I spent most of last night in a sleepless state, having gotten myself into a tizzy over the election and the war in Iraq. But the thoughts led to my contemplation of my own demise and where i will be afterward. If there is an afterlife, which I doubt, I hope it doesn't entail my soul going to heaven. God forbid! I have no wish to reunite with my ancestors, uncles, cousins or anyone but my beloved grandmother. I was raised Catholic, which means that every day I recited the Apostle's Creed, which intones that the body will be resurrected and life will be everlasting. Don't do it, God! I didn't like my hunched back and spindly legs here on earth, why would I want them everlasting? Forever? No, a thoudands times no. If I have a choice, I would prefer to reincarnate, and take my chances on coming back as my granddaughter's pet dog, petted and loved until nature took its toll, and then coming back as something or someone else. It would be a gamble, of course. But better than floating around on a cloud plucking at a harp. Forever.
When we are children, we have no choice but to believe what we are taught. The members of other religious sects believe fervently in what they are taught. The Latter Day Saints are imbued with beliefs that are incredible to us. The same is true of Muslims and Hindus. And yet those beliefs are held to just as firmly as all of the others. There must be something in the human psyche that allows this to happen.
But back to my sleepless night. I finally settled myself down on the sofa beside the little dog's bed on the floor and listened to the radio. I had Coast to Coast radio on, and they were going on about extra-terrestrial beings roaming around here on earth, and encounters with the little things, which quite effectively took my mind off the hereafter. Some people believe in them, too! Just as many people swear there is a Bigfoot.
I guess I am an agnostic, if a name must be given to my beliefs. It makes it more interesting that way anyway.
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2 comments:
You are right there are so many different beliefs out there. I wasn't raised Catholic but became Catholic later at age 19, yet I still believe in reincarnation, my mother had beliefs of that nature. I think my dad was pretty much agnostic like you. I don't believe we get these bodies back but that our essence is some type of energy that lingers on somewhere.... I'm not sure about "heaven" but I don't think this is all there is for us. But no one can really say for sure. I like what the Hindus say, that God reveals himself in different ways to different people and that makes sense to me.
Hello Auntie! I am your brother Paul's granddaughter. I have been reading your stories and truly enjoy them! Please don't stop.
I am curious about the grandmother you speak of. Who was she? Why do you love her so?
I have to tell you my favorite person in this whole world, was and always will be, your mother! I think of her daily.
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