What's Wrong With this Picture?

I wrote this essay for my writing class and they got quite a bit of amusement from it. I will now copy it down for today.

What's Wrong With This Picture?
I surfed the channels of my television set, and chanced upon "Sesame Street", that long-time favorite of children everywhere. I watched for a few minutes, but something intruded upon my meditations. Something was wrong. These characters badly need psychiatric profiling.
What, you exclaim. How dare you assail these wholesome little characters? How unAmerican can you be?
But think for a moment. How about the Count? He counts everything. He can't stop. He is an obsessive-compulsive counter. It dominates his every moment. Paxl might help him, but there is no one on the program to prescribe it.
Let us take a closer look at each of the puppeta. Cookie Monster eats every cookie he can get his hands on. He never gets enough. Clearly he is addicted to cookies. Grouch hides from the world and is so irritable and mean-spirited that no one will have anything to do with him. He is an agoraphobic with violent tendencies, perhaps schizophrenic as well. Maybe prozac would help, but maybe not. Poor little Big Bird is amply endowed physically but he is quite retarded and there is really nothing that can be done with him.
I come now to a character that defies description, namely Snuffaluffagus! What is he? He is harmless enough, being sweet-tembered and friendly. He seems to be a leftover byproduct of some gene-altering experiment.
I hesitate to bring up Bert and Ernie, lest I be judged to be homophobic. But the evidence is quite clear. They live together, sharing the same bed, and Bert dominates Ernie and makes him do the housework. I will leave it to the reader to draw his or her owe conclusion. Jerry Falwell might have a few words to say on the subject. He certainly had an opinion on the poor little purple teletubby with the purse.
Are we going to let this disgraceful display continue? Are we going to let these retards, psychos, freaks and homos continue to pollute the minds and hearts of our innocent little children, not to mention the adults who watch with them? Let us join with Jerry Falwell and save the children all over the world by putting this show off the channel and closing it down forever.
I wrote this with tongue in cheek, of course. I dearly love Sesame Street. Where would we be without it?