My spoon was just scraping up the last of the oatmeal when the telephone rang. Feeling a stab of apprehension, I rose to answer it, but felt relief to find that it was my older sister calling to relay the latest family news. "Hello, Dorothy," she said in her calm voice. "I thought I would give you a call and tell you the latest news." Again that little thrill of fear. Who was it this time? My relatives and friends had been dropping like flies. Had another one gone to his or her reward? But first she gave me the good news, and I was filled with joy to learn that my little niece was expecting a long-awaited and longer-for daughter in May. But then came the bad news. My childhood friend, my partner in many an escapade, had been found dead on her bedroom floor. I was saddened to realize that after all of her work in raising and educating six children, she died alone in her dark and cold bedroom. But then I felt a little stab of fear, when I realized that we were almost exactly the same age, and it could have been me. And I was ashamed at the little prick of satisfaction that although she had been taken, i was still here.
And so went the day. Fond affection for the dog, irritation at the cat, frustration at the sticking patio door, disappointment at not receiving an expected letter. i worried over paying the bills, obsessed over swiffing the floors, and felt a burst of energy, followed by a desire to take a nap. All in all, emotion-wise, it was a pretty pallid day. One might almost say a vallium day.
Where was passion? Where was the agony and ecstasy? I had experienced no anger, no rage, no jealousy, no triumph, nothing whatever to stir the soul. I felt disappointed that I had no more to record than my few moments of pleasure. But i determined to fulfill my commitment and consign what little I had to paper.
But as i was starting to boot up my computer, my husband came up behind me and began to massage my neck and shoulders, and run his hands over my back. I felt a little quiver of pleasure up and down my spine, and began to tingle all over. My heart began to beat faster and I began to blush. I had felt this way before, but i couldn't remember what the feeling was. "Oh, that feels good," I said. "Do that again." He did and then i remembered. The big guy was turning me on. I was feeling ________ well, you know.