How to train a husband

Today I read a review of a book which urges wives to train their husbands as they would train a pet, a dog for example. The advice is to forgo the negative comments and try positive reinforcement, as did Pavlov with his famous dog experiments. One can imagine a scenario like this in any domestic habitat.
Husband is reclining in his favorite chair, watching TV. He has placed his coffee cup on the floor, spilling coffee on the rug and now he picks the cup up, places it on the windowsill and smears up the spilled coffee with his handkerchief.
Wife: Oh, thank you, honey. That was sweet of you. Would you like more coffee?
Husband is watching TV and doesn't answer. She doesn't expect him to. She only offered more coffee to get his attention. She realizes that her first effort has come to naught, but she will try again.
The phone rings and husband answers. After a moment of conversation, he gets up and rummages around under the cushion of the chair, retreiving a pair of socks.
Wife: Well, you found those socks. Thank you, sweetheart. I've been looking for those socks all morning.
Husband still does not respond. Does he hear her? Who knows?
Husband puts on socks and shoes, leaving sllippers in the middle of the floor. He goes to hall closet, gets his golf clubs and heads for the front door, leaving closet door open and his jacket on the floor. As he is leaving, he calls back over his shoulder, "I'm going to play a few rounds. Be home in time for dinner."
Wife picks up slippers, hangs up jacket, shuts closet door, takes cup to kitchen, gets out stain remover for coffee on rug, and strolls down the path to close the yard gate. As she enters the house again, a bystander might have heard her mutter to herself, "It might work with dogs. I quit. There's got to be a better way." Indeed, but the question is what? When some woman discovers the answer to the dilemma, I hope she lets the rest of us know what it is.

A social visit

Yesterday proved to be a most pleasant day, and both my husband and I enjoyed ourselves immensely. On the surface, it would seem a most dreary prospect to be visiting one's primary doctor, but in our isolated situation, any excuse to get out of the house is seized upon with enthusiasm. So when the nurse from the clinic requested that my husband come in for a visit with his doctor, we arranged for a ride with our daughter and off we went. I needed to have a blood test taken, so I went along and we were ushered into the office of our genial and handsome young doctor together (a major mistake.)
It would be helpful here to explain that my husband views all questions, regarding his health or anything else, as being of earthshaking importance. He carefully considers whether he is going to answer, and when he has decided to respond, he carefully considers what his answer will be. It takes quite a while. I, on the other hand, being of an impatient nature, answer immediately and usually answer for my husband as well. The following conversation is typical:
Doctor, "Why are you here?" shuffling through the file. "Do you have a problem?"
Husband, "No. I had a bladder infection."
Doctor, "Do you still have it? Have you any symptoms?'"
Husband, "No"
Doctor, "How did you know you had an infection?"
My husband considered that for a while,, and I could stand it no longer. "He went to his urologist and the urologist told him he had an infection. He got a prescription for it."
Doctor "Have you had a baldder infection before?"
Husband, thinking carefully "I had a yeast infection in my navel once."
This caused me to burst into a fit of laughter, which I tried to control without success. I try to keep track of my husband's numerous ailments, but had never thought to look into his navel. Actually, since we have separate bedrooms, neither of us sees much of the other anymore. And it is just as well. Neither of us is any prize. My husband used to be a hunk but time has taken its toll on both of us. Still, we do once in awhile get a glimpse of a naked body on the way from the bathroom to the bedroom, but we try not to linger for a longer look.
It was a fairly long conference, and I am happy to say that we left our doctor and his assistant laughing, and I wrote down my blog spot. I hope my doctor reads it. Doctor, I love you. You take me just as I am, and encourage me to enjoy life, and I really will try to live to be a hundred.

Silly songs

A silly song popped into my head, and it won't go away. It goes like this "What makes a lady of eighty go out on the loose, what makes a gander meander in search of a goose, it's not the season, the reason is plain as the moon, it's just Elmer's Tune." This song surfaced in the early 1940's, along with some other pretty silly songs. Does anyone else remember "Pistol Packing Mama" or Mairzie Dotes and Dozy Dotes and Little Lambsy Divy? The Andrews Sisters sang their hearts out with "The Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy from Company B". I think it was because we were in the midst of a war, and needed to be silly once in a while. The romantic songs were melodic but uncomplicated, and could be remembered after being heard a time or two. I particularly remember "Kiss me once, and kiss me twice, it's been a long, long time." We were encouraged to pine our hearts out over our beloveds who were fighting for us overseas. We sang mournfully that "they're either too young or too old," and wrote letters to whoever we could think of and cherished their answering letters back to us.
Modern day songs just don't do it for old-timers like me. Not only do I not get it, but I can't hum the melody or remember the lyrics. Is it even music? Sometimes I wonder.

Spring is just around the corner

The weather has been cold, but everywhere we look, we see signs of spring. The acacia trees are in bloom, narcissus plants are open, my daphne bush is in bloom and the tulips are coming up. Along the road, pussywillows are open and even the California poppies are beginning to bloom. It seems to have happened in just a few days, even though it is only the first week of February. Without question, it will be an early spring.
We took a walk today, up the hill for a change. As everywhere, there were tree branches and tree leaves everywhere, The roofs will all have to be cleaned off sooner or later, although no one wants to get up there and do it. My neighbor's flat roof is absolutely covered.
I am almost done with a pretty blue blanket that I have been knitting. When I am done, I want to try to crochet a small one and see if it goes faster than knitting. It will be something new for me.
As before, keep in touch.

An unexpected visit

We had a surprise visit from a pair of smiling, sincere missionaries from the Jehovah's Witnesses group this morning, and because it was so cold and they were so eager, we invited them in. How they keep smiling and keep knocking on doors I really don't know. Most people simply slam the door in their faces and turn them away. They earnestly gave me a couple of pamphlets to read and assured me that God loves me and is watching over me at all times. I explained that I am a skeptic and have pursued many ideas in my time, and even hauled out a picure of Swami Chinmayananda to show them. But they know what they know and there was no changing either their beliefs or mine. I do think they probably walked away shaking their heads over a sinner like myself and perhaps even recited a prayer or two in my behalf. It reminded me of the two very presentable young Mormons who came to my door in Larkspur, and treated me to a lesson in the Mormon religion. I remember that I gave them sandwiches and milk, and they came again a couple of times after that. (Probably for the snack.)
Dreadful news about the tornados. Everytime I turn on the news the list of casualties has grown longer. I suppose the fundamentalists would say that it is the will of God. We have earthquakes and forest fires, but for sheer destruction a tornado has no equal. There is no telling when they will come or where they will touch down.
We are munching on popcorn and listening to a book tape. Our new electric heater came today, so we are warm and cozy. Our little cat likes to cuddle right up to the side of the heater and almost jam her head under it. Like all cats, she likes to be warm at all times.
Feel free to comment. I look forward to hearing from you.

I watched a pretty good football game tonight - the Superbowl- and was quiet entertained by the action, except for the commercials. Since the New York Giants were the underdogs, I was pleased when they won. Since the winning touchdown was made in the last minute of the game, it was quite exciting. It reminded me of the times when Joe Montana of the 49ers would pull a win out of the hat in the last moments of a game. I have never attended a game in the stadium, preferring to watch from the warmth and comfort of my living room, with snacks and liquid refreshments close at hand. I did go to a baseball game at Candlestick Park one time, and nearly froze to death. My neighbot and I covered ourselves with an old blanket and peered out of holes that we cut into it, but we shivered and suffered through the whole game. The fact that we couldn't find our car afterward didn't help either. I understand that people paid in the thousands of dollars for seats at today's game. Well, to each his own.
When I was in college in l941, back in Wisconsin, I was on the staff of the College newspaper, which was printed once a week. As part of my assignment, I wrote up the captions for the photographs of the football team. Oh, what an assignment! It meant that I got to go to every game, and got to confer with the quarterback when it came time to write the captions. Besides this pleasure, I was hired to babysit his little sister whenever the need arose. Needless to say, I developed quite a crush on the young man. It was not reciprocated, however. He had eyes only for one of the cheerleaders. It wasn't a particularly successful team, but they tried mightily.
I always regretted that I didn't get to graduate from that college. I was recruited in my last year to go out into the teaching field, due to a severe shortage of teachers. I consented to go, but found that I didn't like teaching anyway, and found myself a place in the defense industry. I went back to college later in life and graduated when I was 65.
Isn't it interesting how so many memories of times past come back so vividly? I can still see the cafeteria in the basement of that college, and remember the delicious meal the art teacher treated me to one afternoon. She took pity on me when she learned that I had no money and nothing to eat. She urged me to eat the skin of my beked potato and so I did. It was good.

Income taxes and books

To my vast relief, I have finished my income tax forms and only owe a little bit in taxes. I successfully navigated the dreaded alternative minimum tax form, and calculated my taxable social security. It is easy now, as I have only retirement income to deal with, but I am still glad to have it done with. When my neighbor called me this morning, I told her to consider me dead for the day, but to my surprise I was done by noon. I guess I will go ahead and send it in early, even though it is against my principles to send the government money early. When I get a refund, they don't send me any interest. But the amount is so small, it really doesn't matter.

We are listening to a really good book tape about Fort Pillow, held by the Union army during the Civil War. The Confederates are about to attack it, and we are enjoying the drama that is unfolding. We don't always finish all of the books but we will no doubt finish this.

Way back when, before we had radios, television, movies or computers, our basic means of entertainment was by reading. Our parents didn't encourage this habit, as it interfered with our chores, but we found ways of getting around this impediment. I still remember the thrill of getting a library card. What wonders were displayed before my eyes! Rows and rows of books. I thought I was in heaven.