The time I entered a beauty contest.

The following is a true story, as I remember it. I embellished the ending a little, however.

T HE TIME I ENTERED A BEAUTY CONTEST

I didn't exactly enter the beauty contest . i was down in the calf ring yanking my little calf around the ring on a lead rope, when I was approached by a kindly looking matron who asked if I could help them out by providing another contestant for the beauty contest, Since my motto has always been "I'll try anything once," I hopped up onto the platform and stood there with the summer breeze gently riffling my tattered jeans and soiled cowgirl blouse. I hoped my back brace didn't show. the judge yanked a comb through my Ingrid Bergman hairdo, and I looked anxiously at my little calf out in the calf ring. I had hooked its lead rope over the end of a fence post and it was trying to commit suicide by breaking its neck in a series of plunges and wild attacks, Luckily my cousin Kenneth came to its rescue and actually succeeded in calming it down and leading it around the calf ring in a docile and comely fashion. I applied myself to the task at hand.

At the far end of the platform stood a very pretty young lady made up to look like Jean Harlow, with marcelled blond hair and plenty of makeup. She had on a pretty formal summer gown, and smiled at me in a superior fashion. She clearly saw me for what I was - a fill-in and a pretty poor one at that. But just then my sister joined me on the platform and squeezed my hand in encouragement.

Lorraine was a contender. She had lovely long slender legs, a cascade of wavy light brown hair and a smile as bright as the prairie. She had on a pretty summer dress and looked as though she was having fun. Next to her was a plump little girl wearing a "Baking Powder Biscuit" apron. We were ready for them if they were ready for us.

The judges turned their attention to the pretty girl standing at the end of the platform. She was the niece of the county superintendent and was clearly a "shoo-in " for the beauty queen title. Lorraine and i had been "snookered" and we knew it. But now it was do or die and we were ready. First the pretty girl, whose name I remember to this day as Mary Lou Poole, was asked to recite the contents on a slip of paper, as she handed the judges a cardboard box. Mary Lou was not a quick study and she couldn't remember the words so she was allowed to read the thing, and she read only the back half, which made a rather peculiar recitation, but she remembered to hand over the box which was empty anyway. Then the judges asked two questions..What were her favorite foods to which she replied "creamed broccoli" and mashed potatoes and what chores did she do to help her mother. Mary Lou allowed as how she dried the dinner dishes and set the table. The judges smiled approvingly and Mary Lou was allowed to go back to her place and sit down, as she was clearly wilting under the hot sun.

Now it was my turn. Speaking slowly and clearly, I recited the words on the slip of paper. "I am very happy and honored to present to you, from the people of Wisconsin, this token of our state's great dairy industry, the champion cheese and butter from the Wisconsin State Fair." I handed over the box, which was empty, to my regret, as I was hungry, and awaited my questions.

My favorite foods were strawberry shortcake and scalloped potatoes, made with cheese. My chores, which rather set the judges aback, were peeling the vegetables for dinner, washing and drying the dinner dishes, watching over the younger children and rocking the baby to sleep. The judges didn't know that for a country girl, all day was a series of chores. But the judge cut me off by waving her hand, and turned her attention to my sister. Lorraine, as I noted earlier, was outstandingly pretty. She stood straight and tall, with her mane of hair cascading down her back, and recited her little speech in a clear, melodious voice. The judges seemed a little startled by her performance but only asked her a couple of questions and sent her back to her place on the stage. The little baking powder biscuit girl had jumped off the back of the platform and disappeared. The contest was over.

The moment of truth had come. The judges conferred for a short moment, announced that Mary Lou Poole was the winner and added, as if as an afterthought, that Lorraine was runner-up. To no one's surprise, I came in third or last. I quickly left the stage, glad that it was all over, and went back to tending my calf.

This story has a surprise ending. At least, for me, it was a surprise. I guess it was a surprise to Mary Lou as well. What happened was that the next day, Mary Lou came down with tonsillitis and had to take to her bed. My sister, as runner-up, was able to claim the prize which was an all-paid trip to the state fair. I entered a contest which involved etiquette and table setting for a party, and won a trip to the fair as well. My Aunt Emma supplied us with spending money, and we had a great time. I won no prizes with my calf. When I tried to lead it around the ring in front of the judges, it bolted and galloped across the field, with me holding onto the rope for dear life. When I fell, it dragged me along until someone rescued me and I retreated in disgrace. I never again picked a calf for a 4H project. I never again entered another beauty contest.

I hope my readers will forgive me for indulging myself in a little poetic license. All but the last paragraph is absolutely true.